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The End of Yet Another Year

I woke up this morning to see two links from a friend to two very hilarious twitter threads. One was a bad sexual experience written by an awesome creative writer (Click Here) blessed with the gift of humor and the other was about time management told by a very pretty lady (Click Here to view). Of course I didn’t end there, I started my small work of stalking my numerous crushes on twitter and I stumbled upon something I would love to share.

 

“Darling,                                                                                              

Never disrupt your blooming progress to water someone else’s garden. You’ve worked too hard on yourself to compromise your growth for anyone who doesn’t grow you.

Your growth comes with no apology letter attached to it. It comes with no honey coated words and actions. It comes with no guilt or regret. 

Be grateful for anybody you left behind, because their absence helped you find more of you.

So when their love for you doesn’t have a voice, awaken the voice inside of yourself. Let the love you have for yourself speak for you. Let the love for yourself be so loud, that it fills their silence with beautiful music.

And when your soul feels heavy? Unpack. Take the bag off and take a closer look inside. Why are you still holding on to situations that weigh you down? Why are you still fighting for connections that disconnect you? Get rid of what no longer serves you. You deserve to feel lighter.”

Billy Chapata @iambrillyant

 

I thank every single person who has visited my blog this year, who has commented, encouraged and criticize me and my writing this year. I hope I was able to put a smile, cause a laugh, probe a thought.

As we go into the new year, I hope you take the above message and run with it and be free. Happy new year folks, may 2018 be better than 2017 for all of us. Amen.

 

It has been a pump-pleasing-pleasure as well as a privilege.

Thank you,

M. Fadare

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COLD CHILLS

. . . . . It must have been 1.00 am or so, we were all in the building, the barbecue had come to an end and it was just drinks and having fun. Some were gisting in group, others had found a new ‘friend’ and were doing what we called “two-aside” in different corners or rooms. I had been drinking and I was tired but she had been winking at me all night. There she was again standing at the door, I wanted to go to her, say hello, see if I too would get a new friend this night, I could hear the imaginary voices of my friends urging me to go on . . . on second thoughts I sipped my drink and sat were I was, observing.

We had heard about these guys before but when they came in it was like a movie. First a gunshot then a scream. Everyone around me panicked. What the hell was that? I thought, then that scary statement followed.

“MAKE NOBODY MOVE IF UNA NO WAN DIE”

More screams, another shot, I thought I heard a thud, like a body dropped. Damn these were my friends they were gunning down. I wanted to go to the door but as soon as I stood up someone grabbed me, footsteps . . . I quickly ducked and laid down.

The door was kicked, BANG, BANG!!! I felt the warm sticky feel of blood slash on me, I saw her eyes as her lifeless body hit the floor. She was running and collide with him.

“Dumb bitch” I heard him say. I was scared but I was enraged.

“Make any of una try something stupid oh” he threatened.

I had experienced an armed robbery attack once in 2007 but nobody was killed. It was when I was at home and that was the first time a gun was pointed at me. This was different, I couldn’t tell if it was a robbery or some trigger happy assault.

The guy walked away. Another shot!!!

“TONY!!!!!!!!!” I heard someone scream. No, I knew that guy. I was a little buzzed but I could still remember everyone who came. As the host I tried to be social, one of my poor skills; he was a young chap my cousin had brought with her. I remember teasing her about him.

The room was dark, but I could hear sobbing, like a game the blueprint of the building came to me like an imaginary screen. My phone was in the adjacent room. If I would just get there I could call my brother. He knew a number of security Agents both in the police and in the Secret Service. I crawled quietly to the door scared shitless. Someone gave a little whimper, I’m sure it was an attempt to stop me.

I as I looked down both sides of the hallway I wondered. I had no idea how many they were but more importantly I had no idea how I was bold enough to do this very, very, very stupid thing. I am Nigerian, we RUN away from trouble not TO it. I reached the door at the end of the hallway and quietly pulled the handle, it opened and I peeped inside.

“Muyiwa”, I heard a whisper. I turned to see my sister. What the hell she wasn’t supposed to be here. Before I could reach her the door opened. First thing that came to my mind was to “form dead”. I laid still. I was praying, hoping he didn’t see me. The silence felt like forever. Then I heard the sound of a cocked gun.

“You wan form say you don die abi” a devilish voice said. “Oya make I grant your wish”. I knew I was a done for. I still laid still. I heard him pull the trigger . . .

CLICK! Nothing. I heard him his.

CLICK, CLICK!!! The gun was jammed. “Damn, all these fake guns” he hissed in anger. I wanted to turn, attack, but I couldn’t feel my legs. Before I could turn and get up . . .

“Confam” was all I Heard, then BANG!!!!!! . . . .

 

I woke up, sweat on my forehead, and my shirt was partially soaked with sweat as well. Across I saw my friend Godwin on his phone. He was most probably watching wrestling. It was 5.13 am. I turned on my laptop and decided to write.

 

 

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Hello from Me . . .

I know, I know, I have been away for too long, it is exams my people. I remember it like yesterday, when my friend walked with me around 5.00 am from my house to where I would get a cab to the park. I was leaving for Ibadan, for a master course. Fast forward 5 months later we have lost weight.

Yes, I went back to school oh. Let us up ourselves, see if money will up itself in our account as well. LOL. It hasn’t been easy. If it was, there would have been time to write. The plus side is I went to Ibadan, as in IBADAN, the capital of Yoruba drama and I came back loaded. So expect some funny, short stories in the coming weeks.

I promise to TRY and write as much as I can and post as often as I can. I hope all my readers are in good health of mind and body. Asides the short stories I have been working on two stories. Unlike Tola’s Dilemma (which I still  don’t know when I will finish it) these ones will be completely finished before I start to post.

Let me know in the comment box which you are more interested in, short stories, youthful banter or a long story.

Good to put hand to keyboard again. Y’all stay safe. Much love.

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INTRODUCING MAE STYLING

So this is me dabbing into fashion. A friend and her partner came up with a brilliant idea and I decided to support them with a bit of publicity. The post is their creation and I hope you don’t only read but you check them out. I bring to you all MAE Styling.

THE NEXT PHASE IN THE EVOLUTION OF THE AFRICAN FASHION INDUSTRY

Putting this article together was much harder than I thought. There were so many things I thought I needed to say but at the same time I wanted to be concise and not bore anyone with a rather long diatribe, bearing in mind that common phrase about humans having an attention span shorter than that of a goldfish. Go Figure!

Let me start by saying, this is not one of those, ‘I’ve always loved fashion as a kid’ narratives. Rather this is a narrative inspired by the desire to solve problems and satisfy needs that my partner and I believe are commonly shared.

MAE Styling is a Platform that seeks to showcase the works of some of Africa’s finest Fashion Designers. We intend to create growth for African fashion brands by helping them establish new sales channels (both local and international) while satisfying shoppers need for indigenous fashion items that are unique and affordable.This is a rather fancy way of putting it so let me break it down a little by creating some context.

My partner and I have one thing in common, our desire to see small businesses thrive (you can learn more about this by visiting www.fure.com.ng. Plus, if you have been bitten by the entrepreneurship bug, you probably should click on that link and then thank me later). Looking at our local fashion industry, we discovered 2 interesting things:

  • Most of our local fashion brands do not evolve into big popular names (like Zara or River Island or Next) due to so many different reasons, one of them being poor marketing and branding tactics.
  • Most of the locally produced fashion items are too expensive especially when compared with their foreign alternatives. So even when one wants to #BuyNaija, the price tag on the item becomes a major deterrent.

Our attempt to, dare I say, play the hero and solve these problems led to the birth of MAE STYLING.

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So, again, this is a narrative that was inspired by the desire to solve problems and satisfy needs.

After months of hard work and conversations, careful thought and planning as well as collaborations with the different designers (not forgetting all the squabbles over design and fabric and fist fights over finishing LOL!), we’ve launched the platform with a limited number of fashion pieces specifically targeted at the style-conscious woman looking to stretch her wardrobe naira,and we can only hope that you love these items as much as we do.

Order these and others by clicking:- Instagram // Website // SMS & Whatsapp: (+234)90-5-8639024

For more information, send email to: info@maestyling.com

Jennifer Melah

Co-Founder/Partner MAE Styling

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It’s Been . . . .

It has been exactly 3 months I dropped a post here. Hey people, how has life been treating you?
As for me, the hustle continues. There have been distractions, there have been excuses. Writing has brought new ventures, the pursuit of an Engineering career has caused one to pause for a bit.
Doubt on the importance and impact one Blunt Nigerian has comes into question . . .
THEN
The notifications start rolling in.
First, just notifications about other blogs I follow, then a few likes on old post made, then comments, then people start to follow, more notifications about people following despite no new content.
Finally the messages start rolling in. Messages from readers from Facebook, messages of encouragement for friends on BBM, messages of inquire on WhatsApp and a couple of insult from Tola’s fans on twitter (still love you all).
Its been exactly 3 months I dropped a post here. Hey people, lets see what comes next!!!

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The Perfect Misfit

One of those night when I hit a cord, light bulb . . . brain tingling, that sort of thing. I hope you enjoy this piece.

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He watched her go, his chest was so heavy. For the first time in his life making the right decision never felt so wrong.

It wasn’t easier to bear despite the fact that she taken the decision, it still hurt. Sarah was one of a kind and he knew it. Why did life have to be so complicated? Why did society, religion and family have to cause so much discord?

He never thought he would love her, it was just suppose to be a fling. But from one lunch date to an evening at the cinema and that was how activities rolled in and he got to know her. As much as he fought it, with every smile and every laughter of hers he fell deeper in love. When he told her his age, thoughts of ‘just a fling’ were long gone. But she couldn’t she had said. They had to end it.

“What would people say?” she cried.

“But age is just a number” he pleaded.

“Please let us not kid ourselves” she insisted. They had fought, made up and fought again. At the end he new there was no point. And so he decided to give in. They had lunch in the same place he had first seen her, a goodbye lunch she called it. It was the only thing he never told her, that was one secret she would never know.

 

—   —   —

 

His friends had always told him that his love for Ijoma was going to put him in trouble. It was all friendly humor till today. He still could not believe it.

“Here this will numb you a bit” Emeka said passing him glass of scotch.

“Her popsi just flipped, as in just went off on me” he said still in shock.

“Bros but we been tell you now”.

“Still on still guy look at me, what more did he want?”

His friends were not lying. Repeatedly they had told him but he felt he was too charming to be pushed aside, he was successful, he was wealthy, but most importantly he took Ijoma as his queen. What more could a father want?

“You are not Igbo. Her popsi na all these old school Igbo chiefs, tradition is important to him” Emeka explained.

“In this day and age?”

Tribalism seemed so ancient. He couldn’t understand why anyone will hold in to things of the past. He had left the house with Ijoma crying profusely as her father banned her from ever seeing him again.

“So all this while he was the person? An outsider? MBAA!!! You will not bring shame on us” her father had said.

He took another swing at his glass. Where was he to start from now???

 

—   —   —

 

She couldn’t stop crying as she sat, cold and alone. There was no point? What was she suppose to fight? How was she supposed to fight her family? Yesterday seemed so far away now. Yesterday everything was perfect, everything was ready. They had spoken about being serious. Bayo was so old school. He didn’t believe in going on one knee, she had always called him her ‘bush Yoruba love’ because of things like that, he had always been blunt.

“But come haven’t we done this lovey lovey long enough? I think we should tell our parents our intentions oh” he had said as he ate lunch.

“And what exactly are our intentions?” She teased.

“A ah, to jump over third mainland bridge now” he replied with a serious face.

“Ah Bayo” she laughed.

“Shebi you want to play now” he smiled. “But seriously you know we are perfect. Let’s do this”.

“Let’s do this love” she repeated excitedly.

She had rushed home to tell her mom. The prayers had been answered. Finally her mom would let her rest. She never once stop to think, didn’t even consider that there will be any opposition. Till the meeting with her parents and their questions began to roll in.

The words nearly shut her heart off when her father said them, but it was her mother’s tears that finished it off. How was she to tell him?

“But Tomi how could you?” her mother had asked sitting on her bed after the meeting. “How can you say you didn’t think we would mind?”

“But mummy what has religion got to do with who I love?”

“TOMI!!! A Muslim? How could you think your father would accept you marrying a Muslim? Abi will he convert to Christianity?”

She watched her mother leave her room shaking her head in tears. She couldn’t face him she knew he wouldn’t even consider it and she didn’t even want him to, she hugged her pillow as fresh tears started to flow again.

 

I am young, single and nowhere near the stage where I can say I know enough about marriage or have the wisdom to say what is right or wrong but are AGE, TRIBE or RELIGION good enough reasons to break people who fit? In this era where divorce is like signing a pay check, breakups are like everyday activities and relationships have lost focus and purpose, when two people who fit so perfectly come together, is it really fair to dictate what criteria they should follow?

 

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The Birthday Spirit

It is my birthday and I decided to share this post I read from a very dear friend of mine. She is crazy and it was a great read. It is just my way of letting people know it is not bad to dream big and work for it. She doesn’t know it but she inspires me. Enjoy!!!

….In the next 10 years, I will be 23 years old, I will be married with two kids, own a beautiful secondary school and have an orphan home with up to 100 orphans and bla bla bla …..I read on.
My writing, my words, from a secondary school write titles “In the next ten years”.When i wrote this, i was in my first teen year.
re- reading it, the questions I asked myself where, how old was I again?, why did I think I would have all this?, what was going on in my happily-naïve-about-the-ways-of-the-world-head?

Dear 13 year old me. I am glad you had a lot of dreams and fantasies, but life is realer now. I am glad you dreamt freely with no restrictions (you really had none, to dream all this), life is still beautiful, but it is not Alice in Wonderland.

My birthday is around the corner so yes, We had to have a birthday post. Why not?

Everyone has a way they react to their birthdays (the Birthday Spirit I call it), How we feel about getting older, the last year in out own life’s; it is like an individual New year and we all get imto it differently.

So I decided to analyse reaction to birthdays, using a typical BBM contacts list as my sample study (I am sure we can all spot them on our contact list)

1. The birthday crazies-
These guys must have chosen their birthdays in heaven, because they are sold unto it and they do not take it for granted. Their actions are in 3 stages.

The Month- They love their birthdays, they start the announcement from the first day of their birthday month- Team March, our month is here again, March is Fabulous. Few days to my bday people, Count down on, 24 more hours to goo, Yipeeee- my day is here again.

Days before- They begin to change pictures of themselves a million times day before their birthday to give their contacts picture options to use that day, they act like mother hens to their contacts and if you use a picture they don’t like, they will send you a new picture instantly.

On the D-day- They send an early morning BC- thank you, I see me everywhere ( but you are not my DP- I get the sub, I will make you my DP now). They might even ping you directly and say- do you know today is my birthday? (Aka-why am I not your DP and PM)

P.S-We all have no right to complain, it is their birthday and they can do what they want to, the least we can be is –happy for them. I always secretly look forward to their birthdays to see the new drama they will unleash.

2. In Betweens-
They do not shout about their birthday, but they WILL make you notice, either through a DP that says- Turn down for what, it is my birthday, I cannot keep calm it is my day or a PM that says, Thank you dear God for bringing me to another year again, I see love from every where and I am humbled (yea right, like you were not going through your contacts to see who forgot).

3. I am not sure I care
You will have no idea in the world it is their day, because they will not mention or say or even instigate. If they are pushed to the extreme because some people choose to remember and put them up everywhere, their response would be- Thanks guys, I am grateful, God has been faithful. If you were not aware before that day, you might not read meaning into this.

My birthday spirit
Why does everybody have a different birthday spirit?
(Here is a little Thesis- by the Psychologist in me)

Our reactions to the day over time
(Before you give my psychologist an F9, let me explain)

Over the last few years, my birthday spirit has been sad, I always tend to cry because I realize (sadly) that I am getting old. Not that that is a problem, but it seems days before my birthday (the devil I am sure) lets me see someone my age doing amazing things. So on my birthday I think, see what your mates are doing and see you here. That affects my happiness and makes me NO. 3.
On some other years, I do not see my mates doing more amazing things, but I see people tend to celebrate me and think I am doing well for my age and that makes me NO. 2.

I have a cousin who is annoyed by the world around her on her birthday every year, she practically expects to be annoyed, and her birthday is January 1st.

Some years, she lets the anger get to her and she becomes number 3. Some years she decides she will be happy no matter what and if the decision is made on that day, she becomes NO. 2, If the decision is made before that day, she becomes NO. 1

So however it is we act on our birthdays, making a conscious effort to be happy really helps.It is a good day to fulfill one of the things on your bucket list.

Hate it or Love it, the day we are born was the best day of someone’s life and whether it was a 100 years ago, the fact that it once was a happy day should make all the difference.

This year, my birthday has 2 days, because it falls on a weekend and I have to celebrate it with my office family. I have decided to be happy for 2 straight days non- stop.

Learn to find fun and happiness, as they say, some people were born on the same day as you, are no more, are really ill, are still struggling for things you did not think about before you got. By any means, Live life and be Happy.

Happy birthday to my fellow Marchers.

What is your birthday spirit and why is it so? Remember to share your experience below.
Remember to share with your contact list and tell them which number you think they are. Share the Fun.

 

– Originally from A Babe’s Mind Blog

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Twenty-15 to 20-Sixteen

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Happy new year great people. I hope everyone is well, happy and looking forward to a positive, fun, peaceful and productive new year. This time last year, Justin (With The Gang) was making resolutions to accomplish the resolutions he made the previous year lol.

So what’s the deal? Have you made new year resolutions? Are you (like Justin) focusing on accomplishing previously set goals from last year that are important to you? Or are you still planning?

I do not think any of the three are bad ideas as long as you work with purpose and determination. For me every year, besides any other plan, I take one trait/habit/behaviour of mine and try to either improve on it or change it. For 2016, NO EXCUSES. I plan to work on stopping white lies and just say the real reason behind every action (chai that one go hard).

That aside I have some news to share with you lovely people. WordPress, being the darling that it is; sent me a report of how the blog performed last year. I nearly cried (….. naaaaa cry fire lol😂) when I saw the statistics.

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WITH THE GANG fans well done oh, you all made the Finale the most popular post of 2015.

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Sheedart, Crimilda and Dooshi thank you ladies for not just reading but for commenting on posts. You were my top three in the comments section.

I didn’t know people is 63 different countries read and followed by blog, Nigeria, UK and US topping the chats. Note to self …. “we need to package our pidgin-English oooooh”. Thank you all, I love you to bits. It was a fabulous 2015, my belief? It can only get better.

Okay before I run off to look for trouble or disturb the universe, here are some last words. From life experiences, I have come to realise that words have power. Speaking positively helps. So my advice for 2016 is ….

“2015 is gone. Don’t regret what you didn’t do. 2016 is a new book. Stop looking at the back cover of 2015 and get excited about writing your 2016 story. Life is short, live, be happy, try something new and most of all, learn to be at peace with yourself”.

Here is to a fabulous 2016. Cheers people, keep smiling.

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THIS CHRISTMAS : My Curtain Call?

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To all my readers I wish a fabulous holiday. Merry Christmas to everyone out there. May the joy and peace of the season be upon you and your family.

Christmas!!!!! It is supposed to be a day of excitement, fun, merriment and loads of presents. For me, the past few Christmases (lol I hope that is correct) have been blue. I didn’t feel much joy or cause for merriment and I thought this year would be the same but I had a surprise coming. I found myself looking forward to this Christmas.

It isn’t perfect. One of my closest friends has refused to come back from the UK (and no I don’t miss him *folds hands stubbornly*), I am still searching (yep this is an advert) and my family sabotaged me into travelling (I still love them though).

BUT

I am spending Christmas with family, one of my friends just took his boo to momma (so proud of you bro), I am expecting to be an uncle AGAIN, and I am not broke (best part).

I don’t know what you are going through but I believe it will get better, so smile, be happy, be thankful, if not for anything for life.

Yes, this Christmas I am more grateful, more thankful, more fulfilled. The thing now is with all that has been happening, new job, new responsibilities etcetera; I have been disappointing my readers. Not posting when I should, giving excuses, missing deadlines.

So is this my last hurrah? Does the curtain close here? Will it not be better to take a bow and call it a day? Questions I asked myself. Then I remembered every single person who has read, commented, liked and followed my blog. Pople who have been part of the reason I kept writing, I kept posting and I didn’t stop. So why stop because of a new job? Or because I have less time on my hands? Or because I am lazy?

I have decided to put more effort, so this is not a curtain call. This is me saying a big thank you to everyone that believes in me, to everyone that loves my stories, to everyone that criticised and encouraged me, to every single person that follows my blog. God bless you and have a MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I’LL STILL BE HERE NEXT YEAR!!! CHEERS…..

 

P.S:- The Tragic Dilemma will be on a break till 10th of January. See you all in the new year. Much LOVE

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Seeds Of Kindness

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Build a morning on the foundation of kindness and goodness. Be proactive and speak something good to someone, encourage or compliment somebody. Help somebody in need and then you will see those seeds of kindness bloom into something beautiful.

To the weekend, I say cheers!!!!