Settling for Less

Normally monday is for MONDAY MUSE, something funny, something to kick off your day and not let that “oh no it’s monday again” feel weigh you down. But today I dey provoke. I woke up all happy and joyful for reasons best know to me :), but o remembered a conversation with a friend yesterday that really saddened me. So lets get to it. I hope this does some good out there. Enjoy!!!

It was a Thursday in January 2016, I remember we had just come back to the office from marketing and everyone was in a good mood. As always the Fred was teasing the ladies. It was a habit we had grown accustomed to. Even Anita, his office nemesis was not taking shots at him.

We were in our usual spot at the back, Kabirat, Ene and Ify were doing some aproko work at the front desk when a young couple walked in and as always everyone was stretching neck to find out if it was their clients. Apparently they were a walk-in customer so the ladies at the front desk took charge. They had good taste because their bill was about seven hundred thousand Naira. We were all hoping one of us will be picked to take the commission on the deal. Fred had already gone to make his pitch to the ladies. Man must hustle.

“. . . . I can’t believe he was even this bold to be carrying her about” I overheard Ene say as I walked back from the restroom. Apparently one of the ladies knew the man.

“Men shaaaaa” Ify joined.

“Wetin? Wetin? Una no go just free us” Fred retorted playfully. “What if he is just helping a friend?”

“Na so. Helping friend when his wife is at home abi?” Kaburat replied rolling her eyes. “Why cant he go and help his wife? It is like they use it to curse you people. You must always cheat”.

“A aah why you come dey personalise am na? When you see me cheat?” Fred pretended to be offended.

“I no know oh” Hassan another marketer who was charging his phone at the front desk joined in.

“Haba not all men are cheats oh” I added to support the guys.

“That’s what they all say” Ene replied waving me off.

“A ah, Ene as I am like this now you will say I can cheat?” I teased.

“E no dey show for face” Ify shouted and we all laughed.

“Muyiwa you? Na una wey dey always look innocent do am pass sef” Ene shot at me.

“Yeee!!!” I exclaimed, “A aah, no now” I tried to defend myself.

“Sha me I don’t even send, if my husband likes he should cheat, if he likes he shouldn’t. He should not just do it to my knowing oh” Ene added.

“Abi oh. At least i will have my kids. They won’t cheat on me” Kabirat added.

I was taken aback. Or was it confused sef. I had to confirm.

“Wait you girls have already predicted cheating in your future?” I asked because none of them were married.

“Nigerian men can’t be trusted. Better to prepare your mind” Ene said. I was shocked. We talked about cheating in relationships and marriages and the day went on. But those words stuck to me.

Soooooooo, Fast forward to yesterday. I had a conversation with a friend and the same statement came up. It is sad to know there are women out there who feel they will be cheated upon in marriage. But what is even worse is they have factored it into their lives as a constant and have accepted that it is okay and they will live with it.

What happened people? When did we get to this point? Is it because of societal pressures? Social media stories? Celebrity news? Breakups around us? Stories of cheating and infidelities that have corrupted our minds to the point we are willing to settle for less? Are you telling me there are no men and women who can be faithful? If yes, are you telling me you don’t deserve such people?

Is it because you have cheated before and so you feel karma is coming for you? (If that is the case I understand. Go with God and may the odds be ever in your favour). If not the stated case, why will you feel it is okay to accept that “because of how the world is” (that’s what i always hear) it is hard to find that faithful person.

Please don’t get me wrong it is not easy to be faithful. It is not easy to be faithful while single sef talk more of when in a relationship, but it is possible. And if it is possible why don’t we advocate for it? Women why don’t you demand it? One thing I know about men (please when I say men I am talking about the ones that have sense in their brains) is if you make yourself worth it they will gun for you. How do you expect a man to hear his female friends whom he holds in high regard and who are successful and making it say they expect to be cheated upon in marriage and still feel he will want to be faithful?

Women teach your sons, your brothers, your male friends to stand up. To the men, be faithful.

To be man no be by who fit give woman belle – African proverb

To the men out there: do better. Just because you are given a free pass (because to me that statment is a free pass) doesn’t mean you should take it. Nobody holy pass, I just dey come from school make i go find food my people. God bless you all.

Have a great week.

 

For those who might want to say both sexes cheat, thanks for the know fact. Today I want to talk about the men. Cheers

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The End of Yet Another Year

I woke up this morning to see two links from a friend to two very hilarious twitter threads. One was a bad sexual experience written by an awesome creative writer (Click Here) blessed with the gift of humor and the other was about time management told by a very pretty lady (Click Here to view). Of course I didn’t end there, I started my small work of stalking my numerous crushes on twitter and I stumbled upon something I would love to share.

 

“Darling,                                                                                              

Never disrupt your blooming progress to water someone else’s garden. You’ve worked too hard on yourself to compromise your growth for anyone who doesn’t grow you.

Your growth comes with no apology letter attached to it. It comes with no honey coated words and actions. It comes with no guilt or regret. 

Be grateful for anybody you left behind, because their absence helped you find more of you.

So when their love for you doesn’t have a voice, awaken the voice inside of yourself. Let the love you have for yourself speak for you. Let the love for yourself be so loud, that it fills their silence with beautiful music.

And when your soul feels heavy? Unpack. Take the bag off and take a closer look inside. Why are you still holding on to situations that weigh you down? Why are you still fighting for connections that disconnect you? Get rid of what no longer serves you. You deserve to feel lighter.”

Billy Chapata @iambrillyant

 

I thank every single person who has visited my blog this year, who has commented, encouraged and criticize me and my writing this year. I hope I was able to put a smile, cause a laugh, probe a thought.

As we go into the new year, I hope you take the above message and run with it and be free. Happy new year folks, may 2018 be better than 2017 for all of us. Amen.

 

It has been a pump-pleasing-pleasure as well as a privilege.

Thank you,

M. Fadare

COLD CHILLS

. . . . . It must have been 1.00 am or so, we were all in the building, the barbecue had come to an end and it was just drinks and having fun. Some were gisting in group, others had found a new ‘friend’ and were doing what we called “two-aside” in different corners or rooms. I had been drinking and I was tired but she had been winking at me all night. There she was again standing at the door, I wanted to go to her, say hello, see if I too would get a new friend this night, I could hear the imaginary voices of my friends urging me to go on . . . on second thoughts I sipped my drink and sat were I was, observing.

We had heard about these guys before but when they came in it was like a movie. First a gunshot then a scream. Everyone around me panicked. What the hell was that? I thought, then that scary statement followed.

“MAKE NOBODY MOVE IF UNA NO WAN DIE”

More screams, another shot, I thought I heard a thud, like a body dropped. Damn these were my friends they were gunning down. I wanted to go to the door but as soon as I stood up someone grabbed me, footsteps . . . I quickly ducked and laid down.

The door was kicked, BANG, BANG!!! I felt the warm sticky feel of blood slash on me, I saw her eyes as her lifeless body hit the floor. She was running and collide with him.

“Dumb bitch” I heard him say. I was scared but I was enraged.

“Make any of una try something stupid oh” he threatened.

I had experienced an armed robbery attack once in 2007 but nobody was killed. It was when I was at home and that was the first time a gun was pointed at me. This was different, I couldn’t tell if it was a robbery or some trigger happy assault.

The guy walked away. Another shot!!!

“TONY!!!!!!!!!” I heard someone scream. No, I knew that guy. I was a little buzzed but I could still remember everyone who came. As the host I tried to be social, one of my poor skills; he was a young chap my cousin had brought with her. I remember teasing her about him.

The room was dark, but I could hear sobbing, like a game the blueprint of the building came to me like an imaginary screen. My phone was in the adjacent room. If I would just get there I could call my brother. He knew a number of security Agents both in the police and in the Secret Service. I crawled quietly to the door scared shitless. Someone gave a little whimper, I’m sure it was an attempt to stop me.

I as I looked down both sides of the hallway I wondered. I had no idea how many they were but more importantly I had no idea how I was bold enough to do this very, very, very stupid thing. I am Nigerian, we RUN away from trouble not TO it. I reached the door at the end of the hallway and quietly pulled the handle, it opened and I peeped inside.

“Muyiwa”, I heard a whisper. I turned to see my sister. What the hell she wasn’t supposed to be here. Before I could reach her the door opened. First thing that came to my mind was to “form dead”. I laid still. I was praying, hoping he didn’t see me. The silence felt like forever. Then I heard the sound of a cocked gun.

“You wan form say you don die abi” a devilish voice said. “Oya make I grant your wish”. I knew I was a done for. I still laid still. I heard him pull the trigger . . .

CLICK! Nothing. I heard him his.

CLICK, CLICK!!! The gun was jammed. “Damn, all these fake guns” he hissed in anger. I wanted to turn, attack, but I couldn’t feel my legs. Before I could turn and get up . . .

“Confam” was all I Heard, then BANG!!!!!! . . . .

 

I woke up, sweat on my forehead, and my shirt was partially soaked with sweat as well. Across I saw my friend Godwin on his phone. He was most probably watching wrestling. It was 5.13 am. I turned on my laptop and decided to write.

 

 

Call Me Back

So there I was sitting on the rug in room wondering why my fridge was void of food and why the shops were all closed and it wasn’t even 10.00 p.m. yet and I got this beautiful voice note. I was touched about how much someone wanted to read something written by me.

Well today on Poems&Quotes I will post something written by someone who was inspired by my post titled Here Is To Us. I was so excited when I got the mail and promised to post it. She tags it ‘Call Me Back‘. Enjoy!!!

 

Dear G,

I sit here wondering what is wrong with me.

I thought this will be much more easier but it isn’t. Being this forward, being this bold . . . It is so unlike me, it is not what I am used to. But I did this, I caused this, so I must fix it.

All you wanted was to hear my voice but I was too busy to take your call,

You had that surprise day all planned out, but movies were more important than your call.

He isn’t worthy of you, you know you are better than this, don’t be easy, he doesn’t even have a car . . . these and many more where shot down my ears and for a moment I listened. I have regretted that moment ever since.

I miss your text messages, I miss you, I am sorry I played impossible to get, I am sorry I didn’t appreciate your effort, I am sorry.

Please Call me back.

– Chi

 

Chi I really hopes he calls you back. I love good ending to a love story. So guys I will do this once every month. You can send your message for that special person to me via fadarated@gmail.com and I promise to post. Cheers

My Ibadan Tale 05

WOES OF A STUDENT

“You all are here to be better, to harness all you have learnt as undergraduates and improve in that area which you are suppose to be passionate about”.

Whenever Dr. Ambode spoke it was like therapeutic music, it brought focus, a desire, it rejuvenated my resolve to make something better of myself.

“I am going to give a term paper” he continued.

“Haba sir”

“Sir no now, we are choked as it is”

“Sir don’t do us like this now!!!”

Different chants from different students. What was so interesting was that Dr. Ambode was just smiling. After a while he raised his hand for silence and as always everyone behaved.

“You guys know this isn’t undergrad. We will not pamper you. We will not feed you everything” he spoke as he strolled through the middle aisle of the lecture hall. He was quite tall, about 5’9″ and had a healthy amount of flesh on him. “Nomso abi am I wrong” he smiled. For a minute I lost concentration ad my eyes drifted to the epitome of beauty that was called Chinomso. She smiled at him uncomfortably and nodded.

Chinomso Orji!!! I could write a book about her you know. She was tall like me, but slim, she had this … how do I describe them? … ‘child-bearing’ hips that swayed as she walked. She wore glasses and she was left handed. I don’t understand my obsession with left-handed girls but it just makes them more attractive. Oops, see me day dreaming; back to the story.

“So you have to do your research” Dr. Ambode concluded. O shit, I missed the assignment.

“Pssst, Bally” I whispered to my friend sitting in front of me.

“How far?” He leaned back.

“I didn’t get the assignment ”

“Between 1000 – 3000 words on how your option can affect this present day Engineering” he repeated.

“Thanks” I said. That should be fun. Dotun and I were always having such conversations at home.

“Okay people, we will see next week” Dr. Ambode said shutting down his laptop and turning of the projector. Everyone else in the class was either shutting their laptops down or making small talk about the term paper.

“Salako, see me in my office before you leave today” he said as he passed me.

“Okay sir” Dotun replied. I gave him a questioning look, he raised his hands, he had no clue what the lecturer wanted.

We got up and walked out of the hall. Ibadan and its humid air. It was hot outside, I almost wanted to go back into the AC-ed lecture hall.

“Badt man” Dotun hailed Chigozie who caught up with us on the stairs of the Department building.

Faculty of Technology was located on the left of the school map, way inside. University of Ibadan was like a small local government area to be honest. It was that big. But it was beautiful. I had done my undergraduate degree in Owerri and served in the North so doing my masters in the West was an easy decision to make as it made me feel like a full Nigerian and University of Ibadan is one of the best in the country.

“Nna (friend) dey hunger wey dey do me now eh” Chigozie started.

“Guy you like food” I teased.

“Nooo, you no like food na, na why you fat like this” he retorted.

“Hi guys, Tobi what’s up?” Nomso smiled at me . . . sorry at us as she passed.

“Nwanya oma (good woman), how far?” Chigozie just had to form tribal. I shook my head and smiled back.

“Fine girl how now?” Dotun answered

“Hey Nomso, I’m good, how are you?” I replied.

“I’m fine. You guys have a great day okay” she smiled again and walked down the stairs.

“Come oh Dotun, is it only me that noticed she put me and you inside ‘guys’ but Tobi greeting was on its own?” Chgozie said. Dotun began to laugh.

“Chingy you have started oh” I said, knowing he was about to start his banter.

“No now make we reason am. You no be guy? Why she say ‘hello guys’ THEN ‘Tobi what’s up’ or you didn’t hear her?” He insisted.

“Guy I am hungry” I deflected the question.

“Oooh, na now hunger dey catch you abi?” We all laughed. “That babe like you oh, I be your guy, I no go lie you“.

“Chingy make we go find food abeg” I tried to change the topic.

“Tedder Hall fa? Their food isn’t expensive at all” Dotun said.

“Oya let’s go. From there we will just head home” I suggested.

“Okay, let me see Dr. Ambode then I will meet up with you guys” Dotun replied.

“No problem” Chigozie said and I nodded.

 

………         ……….          ……….

 

[2:23 p.m.] Mystery Lady: Doubting Thomas

[2:26 p.m.] Me: Mystery Lady

[2:28 p.m.] Mystery Lady: How you?

[2.28p.m.] Mystery Lady: Is that what you call me? Lol

[2:29 p.m.] Me: Sad, You?

[2:29 p.m.] Me: Well you didn’t give me an option.

[2:29 p.m.] Mystery Lady: Why sad?

[2:30 p.m.] Me: Because it is an emotion and i tend to feel it from time to time.

[2:30 p.m.] Mystery Lady: I’m pissed. At work while on leave.

[2:34 p.m.] Me: oh you work, well one new thing I know about you.

[2.34 p.m.] Mystery Lady: Well not all of us have the brains to go for Masters.

 

“Guy you just dey press phone since” Chigozie cut into my thoughts. I raised my head smiling.

“Na woman you dey chat with abi?” He winked at me. I laughed. We had been waiting for Dotun for over 15 minutes now.

“Na this babe oh” I replied.

“Has she finally said her name?” He asked. I felt my phone vibrate. I shook my head as I picked it up.

[2.44 p.m.] Mystery Lady: How is your day going?

[2.45 p.m.] Me: Just finished from class, want to eat.

[2.45 p.m.] Mystery Lady: and you didn’t invite me😔

I mentally rolled my eyes. See, she won’t see me, but I should invite her to lunch. Girls and their drama. Just then, I got an idea.

[2.47 p.m.] Me: so that you will job me again? Naaa I’ll pass.

I hoped it worked. Let’s see if some guilt tripping would have any effect.

“This girl is either a tease or annoying. Either way the excitement is running out” I said to Chigozie.

“Did you do the video call with her that day?” Chigozie asked.

“If I hear. She jobbed me again” I replied. I checked my phone, still no reply. Oh well she didn’t care I guess. Just then Chigozie began to wave. I turned and realized he was trying to get Dotun’s attention. He had just arrived.

“How far, sorry oh, Doc and I were just talking ” he apologized.

“I was almost eating my finger na. As this yeye boy just dey smile at him phone” Chigozie said mocking me. We laughed. Got up and went to buy our meal.

“So what did he want?” I was curious to know what my favorite lecturer wanted with my friend.

“Just wanted feed back on his teaching and his course as a whole.” Dotun explained.

“And he asked a student?” I asked surprised, “mehn that man is humble”.

“Same thing that crossed my mind” Dotun agreed with me. “He told me chat is students were the best tools to use to evaluate himself so he finds those he feels will be comfortable enough to be real with him”.

“Wow” was all I could say as we took the food we bought back to our seats.

“Meanwhile some lecturers will be forming boss oh. One thin they don’t know” Chigozie added.

“As in eh, you will think people will try and learn from him” Dotun stated.

“So this term paper, how are we running in?” I asked.

“Baba this is something we are always chatting about at home now” Dotun replied “we’ve got this”.

“Same thought I had when I heard it” I laughed.

“Anyhow una wan do” Chigozie said with a mouthful of rice, ” make una no loose guard your guy. Una be my guys oh”. Dotun and I laughed and shook our heads.

“Baba by the way, madam fit show this weekend oh”. I smiled.

“Really?” I asked, Dotun nodded. “That’s good oh”.

“Omo it is not good oh. That NEPA issue got me bad” Dotun complained. “Still recovering”.

I could understand with Dotun because I too was running out of cash fast and it was till mid-month. Just then I noticed three girls giggling were they were serving food. They were mumbling something and stealing glances our way. Undergraduates I guessed, I shook my head as I felt my phone viberate. Finally she had replied I thought.

[3.34 p.m.] Mystery Lady: I see you. Stop shaking your head.

I nearly dropped my phone.

 

Life Line

It is another lovey duvey session on Poems&Quotes day. This song was written by a young guy trying to get his girlfriend back. By the way … He did get her back.

I didn’t mean to bruise your heart
I’m so sorry it drove us this far apart
Drowning in a sea full of tears
I thought we could’ve lasted for years
And I still do, wanna live my life with you

So throw me, throw me a lifeline baby
Say that I’m really sorry, pick up the phone.
and Show me, show me you really want me
Hold me, love me, need me
Don’t wanna make this climb

People change and I can try,
Expectations I will defy
Girl I’m begging on my knees
Come on, come on baby please

 So throw me, throw me a lifeline baby
Say that I’m really sorry, pick up the phone
Show me, show me you really want me
Hold me, love me, need me
Don’t wanna make this climb, on my own.

By Ruben Gray

My Ibadan Tale 04

Hey guys, I apologise for not posting last Friday, I was Ill and wasn’t strong enough to work. I am back though in good health.  Enjoy this episode.

PERMISSION TO ON LIGHT SIR!

. . . All of a sudden I was feeling woozy, my surroundings startes spinning and was scared I would loose balance. I got up and forced myseld towards the elevators.

“Woops” she said as she hopped in last

second before the doors finally closed. It was that girl again. The one looking over our shoulder some minutes ago.

I tried to hide my dizziness as I forced a smile.

“You really look good in those photos” she said. I smiled, not trusting myself to speak.

“But they nothing compared to you in real life” she looked away.

“Hmmm” I mumbled, “thanks” it was more of a whisper.

We had reached the basement were the cars were packed but I didn’t move. She looked at me with a question.

“Do you plan on stay in the elevator while your future wife walks away?”

Okay the dizziness had obviously turned into a dream I thought.

“Huh?” I stuttered.

“Well I don’t” she winked at me and walked out. Leaving me smiling stupidly at myself. The door was starting to close, i stared into white space, what the hell . . . . .

The knock grew louder and louder as I came to. I tried to sit up as I reached 100% conciousness, this girl had infiltrated my dreams now? Another round of knocking.

“Ta lo wanle oh (who is at home oh)?” Oh God not what I needed this afternoon. That was the voice of my landlord. I could hear him mumbling as I walked to the door.

“Tani oniranu to gbe idoti si egbe moto mi? (Who is the unfortunate person that left dirt near my car now?)” He mumbled in Yoruba. I took a deep breath and unlocked the door.

“E kasun sir good afternoon sir)” I greeted in Yoruba.

“Ehen, kasun, neighbour re nko(good afternoon, what about your neighbour)?” he asked.

“O sinle (he is not at home)” I replied, mudering the Yoruba in the process.

“Ah, mo fe ba eyin mejeji soro (I want to speak to both of you)” he continued. I decided to give up before I curse the man.

“I don’t umderstand Sir?” I answered.

“Ah, awon omo oyinbo (these western children)” he said in irritation. I ignored him. “I say I wan talk to you and your brother” he managed in pidgin. I don’t know why old people felt just because people live together, it is okay to call them siblings. On second thoughts maybe he didn’t know what ‘flatmate’ was in Yoruba.

“Oh I see, well he isn’t back from school” I replied.

“Okay oh” he said and started walking away. That man was weird. I closed the door and went to my room. What did this man want now?

By reflex I picked my phone and checked my inbox, nothing. Checked my whatsapp, nothing. I didn’t want to but i had to face reality. That mistery girl was just a tease. Most probably Matthew’s doing. I shook my head and smiled. The excitement was worth it though. I had a term paper to work on, I got up and picked my books.

 

………         ………         ………

 

“So what did the doctor say?” I asked.

“He said rest, that I should just rest” My dad replied.

“Will you listen this time?” I enquired frustrated. My dad was stubborn.

“If you hurry up and finish your program it is to come and take over now. Then I will rest all the rest you people want me to”.

Here we go again. My dad and his insisting of me working for abi with him. We had this fight when I first finished NYSC, then again when I got my first job. Nobody supported my decision to go for my master program like my dad did. And it was all with the hope I would comeback to work for him.

“Daddy, hmmm, lets leave that one first” I said. My door opened and Chigozie entered.

“Tobi ma man!!!” he hailed. I quickly hushed him by putting a finger over my mouth. Then i mouthed “popsi” to him. He got the message and went to my fridge. Chigoziè was always looking for food.

“Daddy just rest. Deligate. Shebi Funke is there, let her run it now” I asked.

“Your sister isn’t an engineer” my dad started with his talk again “besides she is too involved preparing for her wedding.

“You will sha have to do something. We too want you at our wedding oh” I joked. We both laughed.

“Ehen how is that going? Your mom has not let me rest since you got to Ibadan”. I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t mind your wife. Telling me that now I am in the west at least she doesn’t need to be bothered about all these igbo girls I am always following” we laughed again.

“Take ypur time son” my dad adviced “marriage is not easy. Errm Tobiloba I have to go, I have another call”.

“Yes sir, take it easy oh. Greet everyone for me” I replied.

“Take care son” my dad said and the line went dead.

“Chingggggy!!!” I shouted in greeting. I always had a smile when Chigozie was around. He was that type of guy that had a positive vibe.

“Nna na so you and your papa dey talk?” He enquired.

“Hahahaha sometimes yes” I answered.

“Me wey I still dey question if my papa na my real papa” he said jokingly and ai laughed.

“Then him go just do something wey make brain. I go just reason, Kai my mama no play away”

“CHIGOZIE!!!” I said surprised.

“But na true na. I sha no fit talk woman with the man oh” he said. “Come why your fridge empty?”

“A ah you didn’t give me money for food for this week na daddy” I said in a mocking voice.

“Your fada there” he insulted.

 

“He says hi” I replied as we both laughed.

“Baba how far, abeg come open door” Dotun’s voice came from my window. I got up and went to the door.

“Guy how far now? I greeted him as he walked in. He looked upset.

“Baba these people dey try me oh. These retarded poverty minded people wan provoke me” Dotun said in aggitation.

“Calm down wwtin happen” I said calmly. Chigozie came out to meet us in the parlour.

“BADT man how far?” He greeted Dptun “who the provoke you this cool evening?”

“No be that Landlord?” Dotun replied.

“Yeah, he came in the morning. You had gone out then” i said.

“I jam am fpr front just now with him cohorts for that their shank of a shop” Dotun was really pissed.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Imagine the man shouting at me, thay why will we connect light without telling him” Dotun spat the words out like they didn’t belong in his mouth.

“What?” Chigozie exclaimed. “Wait this same landlord that said nothing concerns him and light?”

“The thing is so annoying” Dotun said. “Tobi and I have basically renovated this house. When he was suppose to intervene he didn’t. He now has the shameless boldness to tell me trash”.

“What now happened?” I asked.

“Baba na old age save that man oh. I swear I for fuck am up” Dotun swore, “For Lagos who born you well say make you come dey tell person wey don pay rent trash?”

I had never seen Dotun soo irritated. It was frustrating, it was like the just wantrd to continue frustrating us in this compound.

“Make we comot. Make we go chop food for Ultima” I suggested hoping to would make Dotun feel better.

“Which one be Ultima?” Chigozie asked.

“You think you are the only one that knows places in Ibadan abi? Come let me correct porridge joint” I said.

“Guy you know say I no dey chop porriage, you want make my ancestors slap me?” Chigozie said, Dotun and I busted into laughter.  Chigozie had alot of superstitious believes.

“You no dey chop meat too much, you only drink water before you start to eat, woman can’topen beer for you . . . You go soon turn to dibia” Dorun teased.

“Dibia chingy!!!” I hailed him.

“Na me una dey yab so?” Chigozie acted hurt. “Una be my guya but una no go knw”. We all laughed and left the house.

I got a shirt and put it on. Then I picked my phone from my table. Agwin I checked. Wjatsapp message, most probably one of those group chats.

Mystery Lady:”Can I v-call you around 10pm?”

Hmmm, I guess she wasn’t done with me.

 

………         ………         ………

 

Hope you all are enjoying the story. So because I missed one week, I will be posting 2 episodes next week as compensation. Thanks for understanding, stay safe and enjoy your weekend.

 

 

 

 

My Ibadan Tale 03

HIGH POINTS AND LOWS

“See eh, this country isn’t working for us so if you sit and think the old ‘good grade equals good job equals good life’ mentality still works you will be deceiving yourself” I said as we walked home from the barber’s shop.

“Baba this masters na to calm popsi nerve and boost my CV” Dotun said in agreement.

“You wey know” I laughed. “You have to have multiple sources of income”.

“Na why I dey hustle that online job. Can’t be calling the old man at this age for cash. It just doesn’t fee..”

“YOU ARE VERY STUPID FOR SAYING THAT” we heard the shouting as we took the last bend that lead to our house.

“Eh, e wo lo mo (it is you that know)” another voice retorted in Yoruba. We walked quickly. I was not one to miss drama.
“Shey e ri (shey you have seen), una go just tell me who throway dirty for front of my house oh” the woman was obviously enraged.

Infront of our gate was another compound and the tenants were in a heated arguement. In front of the house was some torn waste bags complements of the goats that roamed about. Dirt, spoilt food, used wrappers and what have you were littered all over.

“If you will just keep your goats locked up all these will not happen” the guy replied.

“Werey ni e (you are mad)” the woman replied annoyed.

“Iya Nafiu jo, ma binu (Nafiu’s Mom please don’t be angry) ” she walked towards the woman trying to calm her down. Looking at the guy she rebuked his behaviour “and you Jibola just apologise na. See time that you are exchanging words with a married woman”.

“What has she being married got to do with anything” Gyang whispered to me and Dotun, l wanted to laugh.

“My own is who is she?” Dotun looked at her, admiration in his eyes.

“She stays in the top floor on your side” Gyang confirmed.

“It’s a lie. And I haven’t seen her?” Dotun said surprised.

“Guy thought you had a girlfriend” I teased. We both smiled and walked into our compound. I his defence she was a sight for sore eyes. I personally wasn’t a fan of dark girls but she was hot, Yoruba (ass+boobs combo) kinda hot.

“Guys good night” Gyang greeted us and took the stairs to the first floor where he shared a flat with a married man and another student.

“Good night oh” Dotun and I chorous and went to our flat.

I was so happy that I still had some rice leftover from this afternoon. Would just pour stew on it and fry it to eat-able state.

“This masters don turn us to by-force chefs oh” Dotun joked.

“As in eh” I laughed as I brought out my pot. He was doing the same thing to his spaggetti. We both were not natural cooks. Dotun had not cooked anything more than indomie noodles in his life.

“Ehen what plan did you say you have? I didn’t want to ask infront of Gyang” I asked as I stirred the rice.

“Baba, see ehn, we can just go beg them. Na NEPA oh” Dotun started. I was disappointed. Thought he had a grand plan. But I didn’t want to dissuade him. Besides a weak plan was better than no plan.

“See I get uncle that used to work with NEPA, we tell them we just moved in and we don’t have light and want to get connected. Just act innocent”.

“Hmmm” I said thinking. The plan wasn’t so dumb after all. “Okay what if they don’t buy it?”

“We beg like no tomorrow” we both laughed.

This plan of his better work I thought.

……… ……… ………

You know this feeling when you can’t wait for something to happen but you have to form like you don’t care if it does? Well that was my current mood about meeting this mistery girl tomorrow.

Two days had passed and we finally, finally had light. The plan worked. Apparently the staff of the electric Power Company in Ibadan had had several run-ins with our landlord and tagged the house problematic. But they loved the idea of us wanting to have our own line and pay individual bills which later gave them the idea to make everyone in the compound get direct lines. But I was broke, between Dotun and I, twenty thousand Naira had left our pockets and the month was just half way, kuku kill me.

As much as I was excited about meeting this lady I didn’t have the financial backing. What to do?

“Who dey house?” The familiar voice of Chigozie rang. I smiled, some comic relief. I walked to the main door.

“Tobi how far? You just loose guard your guy” he said in his usual jovial way.

“I dey mad?” I replied smiling as we shook hands.

“Na this light issue and this girl dey disturb me”.

“HIAAAAAA!!!” Chigozie shouted, “Na lie, finally una don enter civilization” he teased.

“Your fada” I retorted playfully.

“Him dey Enugu” he replied.

“Nice one. So no more charging phone during lecture, Jennifer go fit get respect for you” he said.

“Guy I don tell you, nothing dey happen between me and Jennifer” I said shaking my head as we entered my room and he jumped on my bed. “Besides I can’t follow a classmate abeg”.

“Na so you go talk till she smile for you” Chigozie teased.

“Baba there are more pressing things ” I said.

“Ehen which babe you dey talk about? He asked.

“Chingy I no know her oh. Na call I get” I replied.

“Hmmmm you sure say no be ritual them wan use you do?” He said.

“Why you no ever dey serious?” I laughed. “Anyhow na public place we suppose see tomorrow so nobody fit move me. Problem now na I no get cash”.

“You this guy” Chigozie said shaking his head “you be my guy but you no go know”.

He always says that and it touches me everytime he does. I smiled.

“So you go help boys?”

“Why not, but you go cook indomie make man chop first”.

“Small work” I laughed. I was finally good to go as youth corpers say.

Got the indomie from my food stack and went to get my gas on. I heard my phone ring and i went to get it. Oooh, mistery girl.

“Hello my doubting Thomas” she said in her sweet voice.
“Hello” I smiled. “Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow and getting your name”.

“That’s why I called” she said, she sounded down. “Please I will have to cancel. I am so sorry, I had to call, I owed you that at least. Please don’t be upset, please I have to go, I’ll call you soon”.

And the line went dead.

Here Is To Us

So on #Poem&Quote day I decided to write a little something. Sometimes we just want to express ourselves but pride, ego, shyness, fear holds us back. I hope this inspires someone to send that message, write that letter, make that phone call…

It is hard for me to say this but here I am. After all my stalking and sublime messages to you. I never thought in my wildest dreams . . .

I guess that’s why it hurts we are so far apart, the distance is so hard atimes. I guess that’s why it hurts we both have a passion for cooking. For with every meal I want to see your smile as you taste every spoonful. It hurts coz I feel I can’t treat you the way I should, because you deserve it and I wish I could.

Despite my efforts I fell for you. Despite what is termed ‘logical reasoning’ I keep thinking of you, when I eat, when I work, when I read . . . Even when I write these words to you.

So here is me taking your advice. I have stopped fighting it. I am going with the flow. And what happens? Well I am excited to see.

So here is to you, here is to me, here is to us.

Cheers

My Ibadan Tale 02

NEPA ISSUES

First class honours from Petroleum Engineering, valedictorian of his class, smart, sharp … okay let me stop bragging … But these were terms used to describe Dotun. Ha! I got you there right, you thought it was me. Lol. I am a 2.1 graduate joh, from Electrical Engineering. I was never serious enough to read that hard. I had a business I was running and besides I wasn’t really the academic type till three years after my service year, when I was yet again denied a promotion from Management trainee to site managing engineer where I worked. I had to get a Master’s degree they said, I needed more ears the said. I resigned the next day. Applied to the University of Ibadan and here I am.

Okay enough of myself, back to the story. I had been home for most of the day as my lectures had ended around 1pm. I was counting the hours till 7pm when I could take my devices to a nearby barbershop to charge.

“Baba how far?” Dotun called from his room.

“I dey oh” I hailed back. Thought he was sleeping, I got up and went to his room. He was on his bed, laptop on, watching a movie. I joined him.

“I think say you dey sleep oh or maybe read sef” I told him.

“No oh, I say make I watch film small before we go charge. Weekend don start as we no get classes again this week so I fit read tomorrow” he explained.

“I get” I answered.

“I dey hail onto charging oh. It is almost 7 o’clock” he explained.

“Abi oh, let’s go and do fine beggar for that our guy” I said and go up to get my devices. We locked the place up and left in silence, both frustrated about our predicament.

“My oga!!!” I hailed the barber who owned the shop. I had this habit of calling people who I don’t know or have forgotten their names things like ‘my oga’ or ‘chairman’ or ‘my guy’. Thankfully nobody has notice and that’s how it is going to be.

“Bros how you dey now?” He replied as he shook my hand. He hen exchanged plesantries with Dotun. Just then a guy poked his head from the shop.

“A ah, Gyang you are here already?” I laughed as one of the guys who stays in the compound came out.

“Guy wetin I go do? This light issue is something else” he said shaking his head.

“Come, na you get this charger?” Dotun asked pointing to the single charger on the main socket we use to charge.

“Yes” Gyang replied.

“Let me put my extension box then we can all connect from there” Dotun suggested.

“Oshey baddest” Gyang hailed Dotun and we all busted out laughing. His Yoruba intonation was terrible.

“You guys can manage this bench please, so the hair doesn’t disturb you in the shop” the barber said to us pointing to a wooden bench.

“Baba na you try pass” Dotun hailed him as we all sat down.

“Una don hear the latest?” Gyang began.

“Una don decide the darkness has do?” I asked sarcastically.

“If I hear” Gyang replied, “They say the light issue is landlord’s fault, that he was around when NEPA came to cut the light and he did nothing”.

“You are joking right?” I asked.

“No oh. You know he has a shop in front of the house ba?” We nodded. “Ehen, that’s were he sat oh. One thousand Naira would have sorted it out oh but he didn’t. He was there complaining about the tenants. Then the NEPA guys now discovered the meter had been tampered with, that one now pissed them off”.

“Tampered? Ah that is bill” Dotun exclaimed.

“Na wetin them talk” Gyang insisted.

“That man shaa, na 1k be him problem?” I hissed. “So wetin them dey talk now?”

“Bill is now a hundred thousand naira” Gyang said sadly.

“WHAT?”both Dotun and I shouted. The thought of light was now seeming impossible.

“Outstanding bill is like 42k, 8k for connection fee and 50k fine for the tampering”.

“Ha, NEPA wan use us build new station” Dotun laughed.

“The guys for compound want to hold meeting” Gyang said.

“Again, thought i heard they held one last week” Dotun said.

“Nope, it was postponed that man that stays above you was not around” Gyang explained.

“To decide how we will pay bill?” I asked shaking my head. I was exhausted. School work was enough burden now this?

“Baba see no worry, my plan still work. We go go NEPA tomorrow, no need to wait till weekend” Dotun said. I smiled, Dotun aka Mr. Resourceful. Didn’t want to ask him in front of Gyang so i kept quiet.

My phone beeped. It was a text message from my misterious friend.

Thought to say hi. How is your day going oga doubting Thomas. Hope we still on for Saturday or you still feel it is a prank? Take care lol.